SCOTT BALCONY is co-owner of Balcony Shirts in Windsor Street, Uxbridge and online at www.balconyshirts.co.uk. He tweets as @balconyshirts and writes this exclusive new blog for www.getwestlondon.co.uk

Yeah, alright, we get the hint...

I remember the exact moment when, the Mayor or London, as a little sweetener for shutting all the ticket offices on the London Underground, promised a 24 hour tube service at weekends. 

“Wow, that’s brilliant!” was my initial thought, followed quickly by a second thought of “but you never go out, Scott, and if you do, it’s to Lidl in Cowley to buy a four-pack of an unpronounceable lager.”  

Still, I thought: “It’s nice for the kids”. 

A 24 hour tube service, imagine. You could go to Leicester Square to watch a film and not have to leave 10 minutes before the end.

You could go and watch your favourite band play and not have to slink out before their greatest hits encore, for fear of suffering the next 17 hours on a night bus, being taunted by teenagers and slipping on vomit. 

The night bus to Uxbridge - once experienced, never repeated.

Well, suck it up, losers. We ain’t getting the 24 hour tube . Not in Uxbridge. Ooooooh no, we’re not good enough. You can walk from Harrow-on-the-Hill. Get back on the night bus, peasants.

Uxbridge station
 

And just when you thought we couldn’t be held in any more contempt, get ready for another blow to the kidneys, my fellow second-class-Londoners.

THEY’RE SHUTTING THE METROPOLITAN AND PICCADILLY LINE FROM UXBRIDGE FOR THREE WEEKS. No Metropolitan line between Uxbridge and Ruislip and no Piccadilly line between Uxbridge and Rayners Lane on weekdays. For three weeks.

Well, thanks very much, nice one. “Don’t worry about those dudes in Uxbridge, they’re can walk, they could do with the exercise.”

More Scott, hot to trot