SCOTT BALCONY is co-owner of Balcony Shirts in Windsor Street, Uxbridge and online at www.balconyshirts.co.uk. He tweets as @balconyshirts and writes this exclusive new blog for www.getwestlondon.co.uk

The Lardon Borough of Hillingdon.

It's official. Not content with boasting a hatful of golden post boxes for our sporting prowess, the latest award to adorn Hillingdon's trophy room is the dubious honour of being London's fattest Borough. Go us!

May I suggest a giant golden pork pie to perch on top of the Civic Centre?

 

Anyone au fait with the offerings on Uxbridge High Street will find the news of our gluttonous accolade unsurprising. Just off the top of my head,I can think of no less than SEVEN establishments where the beef burger is king. A hot sausage roll or a Cornish pasty?

Take your pick from half dozen eateries. Pizzas? Yep, we've got them covered, with extra cheese.

And let's not start counting the venues where a full-fat milky latte rules the roost or we'll still be here on Pancake Day.

If you are what you eat then the pigeons of Uxbridge High Street are 90 per cent cheeseburger.

 

But what came first? The chicken (nugget)? Or the egg (muffin)?

Did the once waif-like citizens of Uxbridge demand these deep-fried treats or have they been forced upon us?

It's difficult to tell, but if we don't quell the tsunami of high-fat eateries soon we run (or rather waddle) the risk of those gold post boxes being our last.

Pass the ketchup.

He's off again! More from Scott here