5 wines to pair with your child's rotten behaviour

If you’re a parent who loves wine and whose kids can sometimes be naughty (so, everyone!), then there’s a wine pairing book to make you smile.

Instead of matching different styles of wine with food, W(h)ine, 50 Perfect Wines To Pair With Your Child’s Rotten Behaviour, by Jennifer Todryk, suggests a wine to match your child’s antics.

So whether it’s a temper tantrum, a public meltdown or refusing to sleep, there’s a wine for when the kids drive you to drink that will help make those nasty situations a little funnier.

1. Sauvignon blanc: The 'I surrender' wine

Choose Sauvignon blanc when your toddler uses you as target practice.

This wine is said to have an earthy taste so drinking something that smells of fresh sod will surely help you forget the painful memories of toy trucks being hurled at your face.

2. Chardonnay: The attitude wine

Chardonnay goes great with a junior school child’s attitude adjustment.

It’s described as tasting sweet, like melons, and has a subtle creaminess. Subtle creaminess sounds divine.

3. Malbec: The temper tantrum wine

Drink Malbec when your toddler decides to throw a hellish temper tantrum while in a very public place.

With its soft tannins and flavours from all of the best berries, this wine is sure to make you smile.

Unlike your child, who probably made you cry.

4. Cabernet sauvignon: The 'royally disgusted' wine

Cabernet sauvignon pairs perfectly with poor hygiene.

If you find yourself covered in baby vomit or human waste, then you need to drink wine that will, for a brief moment, make you feel like royalty.

Cabernet sauvignon has been dubbed the king of red wines. It’s dark, rich and is said to be best when paired with a decadent, juicy steak.

5. Boxed wine: The too tired to care wine

Boxed wine pairs perfectly with sleep deprivation.

The general low quality and low maintenance nature of boxed wines are the perfect contrast to your tiny, high-maintenance human who won’t go to sleep for anything.

You may think that you need more sleep, but in fact you just need some wine in the fastest way possible with the least amount of trouble.

W(h)ine, 50 Perfect Wines To Pair With Your Child’s Rotten Behaviour - by Jennifer Todryk, illustrations by Eda Kaban - is published by Race Point and available from Amazon.

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