MR F doesn’t share my love of the Eurovision Song Contest, so I decided this year to watch it on TV with a fellow enthusiast.

I arrived at my friend’s, armed with wine and nibbles but without a union flag to wave. I couldn’t find one anywhere in Uxbridge; only the English cross of St George. Has Alex Salmond disposed of them all?

I also forgot to take my black feather boa – bought in Poundland if you’re interested – which was a great shame. I was going to use it to be a bearded lady, albeit feathered rather than whiskery.

Eurovision has always been pretty good-natured, but this year the Russian act was booed. It would be a shame if this feel-good event were taken over by protests, particularly as the voting now follows political allegiances rather than song-preferences.

On this day, May 21, in 1979, Elton John was the first western rocker to perform live in the USSR. Since then Russia has become more westernised than Elton, but some of its attitudes have not moved on.

A 2013 survey found that 74 per cent of Russians thought homosexuality should not be accepted by society. This explained at least some of the Euro-booing last week.

Whatever your view, Pinner lad Elton and his partner, David Furnish, are a good example of a couple enjoying a long-lasting relationship and bringing up two children in a loving home. Not all heterosexual couples can claim that.

Many countries are still shockingly sexist too. For me, the most upsetting thing about the kidnapped girls in Nigeria was that they were seen as disposable as stolen chickens: bundled into trucks to be used as bargaining tools or sold into slavery.

Interestingly, the first horror film, Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde, was also released on May 21, in 1908, but today’s TV news often carries more horrors than any work of fiction.

AM I the only person never to have seen Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap during its 60 year run? Well, now there are no excuses – it’s at The Beck from May 26-31.

If you see me before then, with cotton wool in both ears, it’s because Mr F has seen the play and keeps threatening to spill the beans …