"I am not in a good way at all," said Darren Thrower, 44.
The former nightclub doorman is suffering with an undiagnosed condition which makes his eyes fill with blood and has had part of the inside of his skull scraped away in two risky operations.
Because of his illness he was unable to attend The Old Bailey today, to hear three of the four teenagers charged with his brother's murder deny it.
"I'm glad the case is coming forward and has not been drawn out," he said.
The former doorman of Royale's nightclub in Uxbridge High Street, now Liquid & Envy, says his mum, Margaret Jackson, 71, is trying to stay strong.
"She's been busy helping me," he said.
"My dad and sister are also trying to help me. I'm really not well at the moment.
"It's not a nice feeling.
"My mum and dad are now scared they're going to lose another son. They've been really worried."
He said his mum was 'in bits' before going to The Old Bailey today.
"I haven't heard from her yet but she will call me today.
"I just want the truth to come out."
