LAST WEEK, among other things, I went to the cinema. Yes, I went to see W, Oliver Stone's rather entertaining film about the breathtaking stupidity of President George W Bush in Shepherd's Bush.

Hang on, I mean I saw the film there, not that that's where the stupidity took place, although there is a fair bit of it in the Bush. But more on that later.

Anyway, the most revealing and damning thing about the film was not the manner in which an imbecile like Dubya could ever end up in the White House and casually embroil us all in a totally unnecessary and disastrous war, but the fact that he was such a messy eater.

I mean, come on Dubya, you're the president - smarten up! No chance of that. Throughout the film, Dubya, brilliantly portrayed by Josh Brolin, can be seen shoveling sandwiches down his gullet like they were going out of fashion.

I found it quite disconcerting, and when the couple sitting next to us started crunching away on the biggest, loudest box of popcorn you've ever seen, it was time to reach for the earplugs.

If you haven't sent the film yet I' not going to spoil it for you. I'll just say that an initially unrecognizable Richard Dreyfuss is wonderful as the evil Dick Cheney, glaring malevolently as yet another sandwich disappears down the W and clearly thinking: "That could've been me."

In what I felt was one of the film's most poignant moments, the president boldly declares, with half a slice of ham hanging off his face: "That was a shit sandwich!"

And while we're on the subject of complaint, can I ask a big question - Why is it that as soon as a film finishes, there is always a mass, sheep-like, headlong plunge for the exits? Why this anxiety to get back to the crushing boredom of reality? What's the hurry? Sit and watch the credits, listen to the outro music, ponder on the deeper meaning behind all those close-ups of Bush chewing.

And then there'll be no one else left in the cinema and you can chase your girlfriend up and down the aisles while pulling silly faces to the music.

But no, we must get back on to the beautiful streets of Shepherd's Bush must we not? On Friday night it was like a war zone out there. Police sirens wailed, spattered pavements were littered with the debris of a thousand abandoned fried chicken meals, the pigeons had a field day, and the dodgy characters staggering around made it seem like you had just strayed on to the movie set of the latest Sean of the Dead film.

Then it was time for something to eat. Now don't get me started on that one. I'll tell you all about our trip to the Not Quite With It Café next time...

**Phil Zimmerman is resident comic Downstairs at the Drayton. Next shows: tonight (Friday) Simon Munnery and Nick Wilty; November 28: Reginald D Hunter & Rufus Hound. See