Last year was an interesting one. And as always, at the end of a year, interesting or otherwise, it is time for this column to bestow the prestigious Pigeonman Idiot Of The Year Award.

But before we open the envelope, let's just look at some of those who made an impression last year.

Well, let's see, there was the bloke who spent about six hours looking for his tent in the wrong field at Glastonbury. He was great. He kept going up to strangers and saying: "Have you seen my tent? It's blue." That was on the Friday night. He was still looking for it on Monday morning.

Then there was the guy in the front row of my comedy club, Downstairs at the Drayton. All night he sat there with a face was like cold porridge. Later while the headline act was on he demanded his money back, claiming the show wasn't funny. The fact that everyone else in the room had been laughing their heads off must have escaped him. I'm not sure what he expected for his nine quid - a sense of humour transplant, perhaps. A brilliant bit of idiot stuff there, makes him a strong contender.

Next up the mad bloke who ran down Wandsworth High Street in broad daylight frightening granny’s in nothing but a pair of speedos, and shouting: "whey hey, come on, let's have it!" Later, as you would expect, he was pelted with snowballs by Michael Fish in a derelict brewery. Definitely the most idiotic thing I've ever done. But at least I got paid for it. You can see the video on You tube. (Google Michael fish love balls).

Another silly thing I did last year was stand around under a ton of chain mail on the only blisteringly hot day of the year waving a big sword around dressed as one of King John's Knights at the signing of the Magna Carta.

And if this wasn't idiotic enough, I then attempted to assassinate the director, Ridley Scott, with a scrap of cellophane wrapping pulled from a bottle of mineral water as I attempted to quench my thirst .Or at least this was what I seemed to be accused of by the 27th Assistant Director (or general dogs body) on the set of Russell Crowe's Robin Hood film.

This guy, Donny Iriot, had had it in for me ever since he caught me fast asleep on top of a huge castle where I was supposed to be busy dodging arrows. He also accused me of illegally eating a donut, at which point I threatened to cut his head off. Impeccable Idiot credentials, strongly in the running.

Next up and perhaps a dark horse for the award, the T mobile call centre woman who refused to allow me to give her my own phone number as she said it was in breach of data protection and would cost her her job. When I questioned her as to what planet she was from, she just repeated her earlier statements over and over like a robot before adding: "We are not hear to serve you but to frustrate you and rip you off" She then exploded like a demented Dalek. Fantastic stuff.

On the political front there was a great performance by Tony Blair, who had the gall to think he could become president of Europe. Mmm, what exactly did he think he might do for Europe I wonder? Let's see, what is he good at? How about, start another devastating war to boost the fat cats in the weapons industry perhaps?

But sensing that that this might not quite be enough to clinch the Pigeonman award, he then tolds a TV interviewer that he would have gone to war even if he had known that Saddam only had seven bags of Sherbet Dip Dabs, because it was still the right thing to do.

No, Mr BLiar, you would have gone to war whatever because that's what you were TOLD to do by the United States of Hypocrisy. But I'm sorry Tony, it's not quite enough to clinch it for you, because the winner of the Idiot Of The Year 2009, goes to the night bus driver who, when I asked him why his 4.17 am bus was so ridiculously late, said, and I quote: "Busy because of customers."

Pure genius.

Phil Zimmerman is resident comic Downstairs at the Drayton, which reopens on Friday january 22. website: www.philzimmerman.co.uk . info 07853 664 877