Bm@il: Strictly no screaming for six packs on the X Factor, please ladies

I HAVE been disturbed by some strange things lately, on subjects such as baby clothes and men’s chests, so excuse me while I sound off. Having a column is such great therapy.

I hear the average baby has 56 outfits. What’s wrong with a couple of babygros (remember them?) and a few clothes for ‘best’. I know things have moved on in the fashion stakes since I was a young mum (or a young anything), but to hear that parents are throwing gifts away because they don’t live up to baby Beckham’s standards is pathetic.

Babies do not need silk dresses or cashmere cardigans.

What next? Crystal-encrusted nappies?

M&S, which did the research, is working with Oxfam to redress the balance. They want to recycle the outfits which have been rejected by the catwalk babies.

Or why don’t you just take them straight to a charity shop? There’s still a place for hand-me-downs.

Now on to the over-exposure of men’s chests on TV and in magazines, which is apparently making young boys fear they won’t match up to these hairless flat-packs – sorry, six-packs.

I actually feel more uncomfortable that men are being judged by women purely on their looks. It is patronising, infantile and sexist.

Before you write me off as a miserable old git and a spoilsport, I’d better confess that I’ve whooped at the well-oiled Chippendales and Dreamboys at shows with my girlfriends in the past – but the lads are in on the joke and it’s a fun night.

As my mum would say, everything in its place.

It’s wrong to see a man, who is expecting to be judged on his singing, dancing or sports prowess, being squealed at by a female judge to take his top off.

This happened recently on both The X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing. If it was a leering male judge demanding this of a woman contestant, there would rightly be an outcry.

If we ever get a woman to replace Jeremy Paxman on University Challenge, how long would it be before any dishy students are subjected to a demand to show their six-pack before they can put their hands on their buzzers?

I succumbed to innuendo there. Sorry.