RIGHT, gather round. I need your full attention as I am starting a campaign to save marmalade.
Apparently everyone is going off the traditional spread on their toast at breakfast in favour of muesli and other brands of sawdust.
Cereal murderers I say - hands off our Golden Shred.
This is more serious than I thought, as it could mean that toast itself - the backbone of the British breakfast - is an endangered species too.
We need a preservation order (geddit?) slapped on toast and marmalade immediately. Muffins and croissants, Marmite and honey must be made illegal. Chocolate spread, which has increased its sales, should be redefined as a class A drug.
This rebellion is attributed to our new coffee shop culture and people's preference for eating on the move. Eighty per cent of marmalade buyers are aged over 45, so we have to make it appeal to younger people. How about Paddington meets Lady Marmalade?
This is serious business: February 10 was National Marmalade Day, and earlier this month a marmalade festival was held in Cumbria.
However, one who is not being very helpful is Mr F, who when asked what he preferred on his toast, said Marmalite. Hmmm. * Have you seen that awful NHS advert, where children sing I'd Do Anything, from the musical Oliver? They shout and jostle and shove. They stick their tongues out, gurn, fall over and spit out the words out as if they are about to be sick.
The children have clearly been shaken and stirred to the point of hysteria, and I actually find it quite disturbing and not cute at all.
Couldn't they have reminded us of the good qualities of children, including their ability to practise self-discipline when performing, not this staged, frantic anarchy?
I gave up smoking many years ago, but this advert, which encourages parents to give up smoking because their children would 'do anything' for them, is more likely to inspire me to take up the filthy weed again - as a protest. * FINALLY: A personal appeal to Hillingdon Council: please don't close the Harefield dump, even temporarily. Many a happy Sunday have Mr F and I spent queuing to get into the New Years Green Lane site to deposit our rubbish.
We know how to have a good time!
