Am I losing my marbles, or has Uxbridge lost some of its Christmas lights, leaving many of the streets feeling like they've suffered a power cut?

The beautiful decorations in the centre, particularly the tremendous tree outside the station, are fantastic,and even Mr F,who used to moan endlessly about the old fashioned primary-coloured decorations that graced our lampposts, has stopped grumping this year.

However, while admiring the new sophisticated blue and white decorations, I, unlike Mr F, find I miss the old traditional, childlike red and green Christmas bells and sleighs which used to fill our streets.

The lights used to reach up all the main streets of our lovely old market town, but now the only thing sizzling up the McDonald's end of the High Street is a portion of fries.

Belmont Road used to sparkle with the best of 'em, but now the only light is the one that shines vicariously from the all-yearround glow of the Pizza Hut.

Is it the expense that means much of Uxbridge does not look festive this year,or is it simply a choice of style over substance: minimalist, rather than merry?

Actually, I'm having a bad time,as I have also had to cope with the shock announcement that our 50-year-old roadside Little Chefs are being revamped by celebrity cook Heston Blumenthal.

The three star Michelin chef,has promised to resurrect the struggling eateries, but could we easily adapt to a healthy menu and speedy service after years spent trying to catch the eye of a bored waitress to order an early starter and a cherry pancake?

And can snail porridge ever really replace a nice toasted teacake?

FINALLY: I'm happy to explain to everyone who's asked what I have against lattes and cappuccinos, which I will ban when I rule the world (see Bm@il, November 26).

Well, in places such as Costa or Starbucks, I hate it when someone in front of me requests a drink which requires a noisy machine to steam milk and create froth, followed by much faffing about with chocolate, marshmallows and cream.

If only they had a separate counter for people like me who just want a quick coffee made from beans, water and a drop of milk.

Never mind fast food, how about a fast filter coffee queue? Now there's a thought.