As you know, we've had Clive on a cross between a life support system and special diet in a bid to bring the plant back to its former glory. Last night, as we finished making the newspapers, the editor nipped out to the car park to give Clive a special feed, only to discover at least one of culprits responsible for Clive's sudden weediness.
Get ready for this. There was a rat in Clive's tub.

A bit of foot stamping sennt the beast scurrying. Of course it's not the first time we've seen a rat or two, but it didn't cross our minds that they might be interested in Clive. However, a bit of internet research later, had discovered gardening forums from across the planet discussing what to do when rodents nick your toms.

This is our favourite answer: "While human hair or soaps hung around the perimeter of the garden may work for rabbits (and human male urine), I doubt these would scare a rat or mouse. But one can buy fox or wolf urine easily enough these days."

The nearby ALDI has an amazing jumble of products. One of our favourite Hounslow stores, Wheelhouse, is an Aladdin's Cave of household and gardening treasures. But our hunt for wolf urine, taking in the Pound Shop, has drawn a blank so far. We skipped the fox urine bit as we often see an arthritic and mangy old dog fox tracking across the car park. He's clearly not scary enough for our rat pack, or perhaps his kidneys have given up.

Meanwhile, Clive is spending most of its rehab safely behind glass in the foyer.