Turning 13
Turning 13

This week I am entering into a new phase of parenthood. My gorgeous little baby, who became my curly haired angel, and then a bright and funny little girl, has her birthday this week and is turning thirteen. Yes, lovely readers, I am about to become the mother of a teenager.

I have to admit that I’m rather nervous. From everything I've read and heard, my delightful child is going to wake up one morning transformed into the She-Devil. She will become moody, argumentative, reckless, rebellious and full of angst. And as a single Mum, guess who’s going to get the brunt of all of this behaviour?

So I’ve been doing a little research on the subject because I feel that only if I understand what she’s going through can I deal with it appropriately rather than having World War 3 erupt in our home. And I’ve discovered some rather interesting stuff that I never knew. Firstly, do you know that the teenager is a uniquely human phenomenon? Pretty much all other animals skip the stage completely and develop swiftly from infancy to adulthood. So why don’t we humans?

Well apparently it’s all to do with the development of our brains. Because our brain is so much cleverer and bigger than other animals it takes longer to develop. Scientists used to think that the brain’s growth was completed at the end of childhood, however in more recent years, studies have proved that during the teenage years it undergoes significant changes and growth. The areas that mature in this later period include the frontal and parietal lobes (don’t I sound clever?), which are responsible for planning and self-control, and also the areas responsible for rational thought and risk assessment. So this could explain why some teenagers get themselves into an awful lot of trouble during this period of development.

However, the emotional region of our brain does develop much earlier. Therefore teenagers have well-developed emotions and feelings but have still not acquired the ability to think things through properly and rationally. So when they act impulsively, and do the kind of dangerous things a grown-up would avoid, it could be that their brain’s late development might be to blame.

Now, this is all fascinating stuff and I do think that understanding the physical reasons behind bad behaviour is important, but does that mean behaviour can’t be controlled? Well the answer has to be no. Because we all know that not every teenager becomes an uncontrollable, axe wielding, hormonal, maniac. Surely we have to attempt to rationalise with our teenager, to make them understand that there is a level of behaviour that is acceptable and that there are firm boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed?

So I suppose it must be that like in all areas of parenting, we need to assess each child individually and react accordingly and appropriately. Molly has thus far proved to be a very placid, good natured child and I am hoping that this upcoming stage does not prove to be her undoing.

I’m sure there will be a few moods and fights at the very least, but if she does turn into a complete teenage monster from hell, then I will attempt to deal with her calmly and to reason with her about her behaviour. And if all else fails I will remind myself that this stage won’t last forever. I just need to wait until her frontal and parietal lobes have finished growing. Which I may do with the help of a nice glass of Pinot Grigio!

NOTE TO SELF: ‘Raising a teenager is like nailing jelly to the wall!’ Bill Cosby