Last weekend I did something which I feel should put me in the running for a Mother of the Year Award. I put on a brave face, took a deep breath, and bought tickets for Molly and I to go to the cinema to see One Direction: This Is Us in 3D.
Yes 3D, ladies and gentlemen of Ealing. Not only was I going to have to sit through one and a half hours of Louis, Niall, Zayn, Harry and Liam, but I was going to have to put up with them jumping out of the screen at me in three dimensions too. Honestly, just the one would have been perfectly sufficient.
I suppose it had to happen though; Molly’s first real celebrity crush. The film outing request came after numerous posters of 1D (as all real ‘Directioners’ refer to them) were artistically styled over her bedroom wall and pocket money had been spent on a phone cover, notebooks and other branded tat. It all reminded me of my first celebrity crush when I was her age. It was, (drum roll please) Donny Osmond.
Me, and many millions of other pre-pubescent girls who felt exactly the same about the squeaky clean, white-toothed, Mormon heartthrob. To the extreme jealousy of some of my now equally middle-aged female friends, I actually got to meet Donny in person at the BBC some 30 years after my crush ended.
As I was introduced to him, I regressed to my 11 year old giggly, nervous self and could hardly string a sentence together. To my delight though, Donny was utterly charming and very charismatic and the joyful memories of my historical infatuation were thankfully not tainted.
My Donny crush ended for no particular reason that I can recall, and he was swiftly and unceremoniously replaced by Paul Michael Glaser as Starsky (along with his mate Hutch). They stayed on my bedroom wall for quite some time after Donny’s demise in my affections. And it wasn’t only Starsky’s cardigan that I loved, it was his wry humour, so much nicer than the slightly more handsome, but not as witty David Soul. Yet again though, once those American cops were suddenly deemed uncool, their posters too were ripped off the bedroom wall as abruptly as they had arrived.
It was then that I went through a somewhat rebellious stage and decided that Ian Dury and the Blockheads would take their place. Now however cool and shocking I thought they were musically, even I couldn’t deny that the Blockheads weren’t what you’d describe as the most handsome of bands. I can vividly remember my Mum’s incredulous look when I first stuck the posters up, she couldn’t believe that I wanted to wake up to them every morning. And in retrospect, I understand why.
The Blockheads lasted as objects of my affection until I was about 17. And it was then that I went rather retro. The Blockheads were removed (much to my Mum’s delight) and replaced with pictures of Frank Sinatra and Marilyn Monroe. You see I’d decided I had actually been born in the wrong era and started to listen to music from the 1940s and 1950s. Frankly, I still do.
So will Molly be listening to One Direction songs in 30 years time? I very much doubt it. I’m sure she will go through all sorts of musical phases and have crushes on many different celebrities. And I will need to be patient, accept them all and remember that I did exactly the same when I was her age.
But what about the One Direction film I hear you cry? Well, helped an awful lot by the compulsory bucket of popcorn that I ploughed through, I have to say it was surprisingly enjoyable. The documentary part was interesting and very watchable and the live gig sections were, well, bearable. But what did surprise me is that the members of the band all came over as perfectly decent boys. Now either that was very good acting or editing (or both), or they are indeed nice young men with pretty decent voices who have been thrown into an extraordinary rollercoaster ride of success.
So I say good luck to them, and if I have to put up with their young faces on Molly’s bedroom wall for a while, then so be it. For there’s one thing I am sure of - they’ll be replaced by the next crush before too long.
NOTE TO SELF: Whatever phases your children go through, remember they will come to an end.