Sir Alex Ferguson is frequently lauded as the best football manager that England never had.
He is admired and respected throughout the world of football, and apparently, was even asked for man management advice by the then Prime Minister, Tony Blair.
So, why is it that when he falls out with a player, their only option seems to be to leave Man United? Wayne Rooney is the latest in a fairly long line (David Beckham, Yaap Stam, Paul Ince, and Roy Keane) of high profile players who have fallen out with the manager..... and been sold.
Relationships are rarely smooth sailing; sometimes, when they're great, we feel valued, cared for and appreciated. At other times when they're difficult, we can feel ignored, unloved or even abandoned.
Melanie Klein (an early psycho-analyst) theorised that a baby initially understands their mother as two people, the good mother, who always comes when they cry, and the bad mother, who makes them wait. Ultimately the baby learns that they're the same person, that their mother is not perfect, but is good enough and will not let them come to harm.
However, if this is not worked through, we can continue as adults, to split people, into good and bad, remaining unable to accept anyone as good enough. Arguably there is a similar process at Old Trafford with Sir Alex vocally supporting his players when they are good but selling them when they become bad.
Anybody who "splits" in this way is doomed to short, and unfulfilling relationships, because, lets face it, no one is perfect. True relationships happen when both people put the whole of themselves into it and accept that there will be disagreements, misunderstandings and probably unhappiness at some stage. But it is exactly such difficulties which provide the opportunity for greater understanding and a deeper bond, if they can be worked through and resolved, (which sometimes means agreeing to disagree). Dissent does not have to be the end of a relationship; it can be the start of an even better one, a more real one. The person who can't tolerate disagreement is ultimately an unconnected and lonely person, think of the spoilt brat, the dictator, the outrageous diva........the football manager?
So, as Chelsea, Man City, Real Madrid and a host of other clubs circle like sharks, can Sir Alex and Wayne work things through, or will "the lad" be cast out?
Johanna is a counsellor and psychotherapist working in Twickenham. Go to www.johannasartori.co.uk
