No sniggers from the lycra-cleated-flash-helmeted bunch, please.
This is intended for west Londoners new to cycling and trying to get to grips with how Team Sky is potentially going to leave Sir Bradley Wiggins out of the Tour de France.
The newbies should get out on the road with a pal and take turns up front.
What you experience tucking into each other’s wheel is what the Tour leader enjoys most of the 21 days he’s out on the road.
You can’t head a tough race and expect to be there by the finish line - it just ain’t possible.
It’s that hard, eight others have to dedicate themselves to getting their leader top of the podium at the foot of the Champs-Elysees.
The hard nose decision by Team Sky to put Chris Froome in pole position has forced the hand of the Maida Vale hero.
‘As it stands…’ (his own words) Wiggins is out of cycling’s biggest show. He’s already seized the initiative by appearing on media and hinting Sky’s anything but the limit.
Chances are he’s off to join Australian Orica-GreenEdge to leave Froome and co to get on with it.
But his probable omission from the Tour is easily explained by the bottom line, around £30 million in sponsorship.
No exception for perceived weakest links - not even Wiggo. One reluctant domestique, and the multi-million pound operation suffers a puncture.
The 34-year-old multi-Olympic champion and first Brit to win the Tour in 2012, is in good shape, but all that bad blood between he and Froome has probably cost him a place.
Would Wiggins really want to run himself to water looking after a bloke who he’s shown little public love for?
The women for each spat bile on social media, and last year’s winner had a pop at Sir Brad last week when he called him ‘mentally weak.’
He was referring to the infamous moment when Froome went away from the leader on the mountain leading up to Les Sybelles in 2012, as the attached video around 30 minutes shows.
It was the equivalent of dribbling out of defence when the opposite attack is bearing down - it just ain’t done. It’s a spit in the face of the team and all it’s trying to achieve.
Froome was very wrong; in fact, a lesser mortal might have been looking at his P60, because it undermined the strength of the man in yellow.
But you can’t put the genie back, and it hinted Sky had chosen the wrong leader even if Wiggins was later to triumph. The suggestion has lingered until now, and the man who was Olympic hero and Tour winner is now on the outside looking in.
