Everybody needs good neighbours, as any soap aficionado will tell you.

But it's not always easy to get along with those living next door, upstairs or down below.

Noisy washing machines, parking disputes and rubbish are just some of the seemingly trivial matters which can drive those living side-by-side up the wall - and sometimes have them at each others' throats.

That's where CALM, which has spent the last two decades resolving tensions between neighbours across west London, comes in.

The charity, which celebrated its 20th anniversary with a party at the Dorsett Hotel in Shepherd's Bush on September 17, has played peacemaker in thousands of quarrels over the years.

Last year alone, it provided mediators for some 400 neighbours who found themselves at loggerheads, helping them reach an agreement in more than 80% of cases and preventing the need for lengthy, acrimonious and costly legal action.

CALM's director Corinne Rechais has witnessed many remarkable transformations during her time with the charity, including neighbours who were close to trading blows eventually hugging and going for a coffee together.

"A lot of the time people make assumptions about what's going on with their neighbours, whether that's to do with noise, children running about or garden spaces," she said.

"We give them a place to meet safely and it's amazing how when they start talking and understanding each others' personal situation they're often able to reach an agreement and move forward in a positive way.

"Most disputes stem from people just trying to live their lives and not realising how that impacts on their neighbour or the person downstairs.

"These issues can make the life of both parties very stressful and resolving them can improve their lives immensely."

Restorative justice

The outcome isn't always so rosy, she is quick to admit. Sometimes an agreement is acknowledged with no more than a curt nod, and occasionally an argument proves intractable through mediation, but more often than not sitting down and talking really does work, she says.

CALM has four paid staff and 60 volunteer mediators and facilitators working across Brent, Hammersmith & Fulham, Harrow, Hounslow, Kensington & Chelsea, Richmond and Westminster.

It has arrangements in place with a number of housing associations in those boroughs, who refer tenants in a bid to avoid the need for evictions or other extreme action.

It's not just disputes between neighbours in which the charity gets involved. It also helps bring together criminals and their victims, after sentencing for offences ranging from burglary to murder, for what is known as restorative justice.

"Meeting the offender can really help repair the harm done to the victim and help them move on. Often hearing they weren't a personal target can be such a relief," says Ms Rechais.

"It also helps the offender. Seeing the effect of their actions on the victim has been found to reduce rates of reoffending."

Top five reasons for neighbour disputes, according to CALM:

  • Every day living noises; doors slamming, washing machines at odd hours, loud walking, shouting
  • Young children noises; running, playing shouting
  • Antisocial behaviour; harassment, intimidation
  • Shared spaces; parking space, garden use, items and rubbish left in passageway
  • Dogs; barking, aggressive

Elsa was elderly with health issues and lived alone but her daughter frequently visited her. They both felt threatened by groups of teenagers gathering outside her flat, and blamed two of Chris and Janet's children for participating in unruly behaviour.

Chris and Janet accepted that on occasion their children's friends came to see them but said they couldn't invite them inside as the flat was too small. They resented the fact their children were blamed for all the trouble.

The dispute had dragged on for two years when CALM got involved. It organised a private one-hour meeting for each party with two mediators, plus a two-hour joint meeting.

The neighbours agreed to communicate better in future, with Elsa promising to raise concerns with Chris and Janet rather than going straight to the police.

Three months later, when CALM made a follow-up call, Elsa said everything had been fine since the mediation and the teenagers were being much quieter. Chris and Janet were pleased the police hadn't been called since the meeting and said their relationship with Elsa had improved.