I mentioned Kim Jong-Un in this column a couple of weeks ago so I know you’ll be pleased to hear that he has been re-elected to his parliament with 100 per cent of the vote from 100 per cent of voters. What a surprise (not).

We may envy the North Korean turnout we wouldn’t want their system: only one name on the ballot paper for each district.

The ‘electorate’ just votes in favour or against. However, a ‘no’ vote has to be cast in a separate booth. Presumably they are never seen again.

We are such a tolerant country we can even have a joke at election time, which would be a serious crime in many countries.

I remember Screaming Lord Sutch of The Monster Raving Loony Party handing out ‘bribes’ with fake £1m notes when he stood here in the 1997 Uxbridge by-election.

At another count, I interviewed a candidate for the All Night Party about his policies. We may laugh, but the serious message is clear: in this country we uphold the precious freedom of speech.

Our whole council is up for grabs on May 22 and, though I can’t promise you any comedy candidates, please make sure you put your cross on the ballot paper.

If you value our democracy and don’t want to wake up one morning to find it has disappeared in favour of a dictatorship – VOTE. Even if you’ve never voted before, friendly people at the polling station will guide you to the booth where you can secretly put your cross.

Once again we hear there is a chance to get tested to see if we are likely to get Alzheimer's within three years.

I will never, ever, have this test.

My mother had a severe version of this dreadful disease. At the end of her life she could not eat, speak or walk, and didn’t know her own family. I just thank God she never knew it was coming.

Oh dear. Cheryl Cole is returning to the X-factor.

If only we’d had a democratic vote: she certainly wouldn’t have got mine.

I just hope she keeps her much-publicised rose tattoo, which covers her whole bottom, under wraps.

Or we’ll all be longing for some more merciful form of dementia.

Catch up on Bm@ils past at www.getwestlondon.co.uk/authors/barbara-fisher