HAVE YOU SEEN the new Anthony Hopkins film yet? It's called Wolfman and I'm in it.

No, I’m not the wolf. (Otherwise this column would be called wolfman, right?). Anyway, if you like these sort of scary films, why not go along to the cinema and see if you can spot me? 
 
There'll be a special prize for the first correct answer drawn out of the bag. (What bag?) The first prize will be a night out with me at the lazy fish bar in Acton. (I keep plugging this establishment which is the funniest fish and Chip Shop in London, in the hope that they will sponsor my comedy club, which would enable us to buy another packet of blue tack for sticking up posters in the toilets).
 
So if you can spot which two scenes I am in, always assuming, of course, that I haven't ended up on the cutting room floor with one of the runners, you will win this grand prize, a night out with me at the LFB, for a wonderful haddock and chip supper. (I can't afford Cod on theses wages)
 
And the second prize, by way of consolation, will be two free tickets to the comedy club, on a night NOT of your own choice. (Well you don't expect free tickets on a night when Lee Evans or Billy Connolly are on do you? It has to be a night when it would normally be empty, for instance when I am doing a preview of my new Edinburgh show, What You F*****g Looking At, which is also, as it happens, the first question in the pub quiz at the Drayton.

And I've used that joke before in a previous column, by the way, just to test which of you are paying attention.

Anyway, back to Wolfman. We had great fun making that film. In one of the scenes, I am in a public house with a few other drunks sitting around trying to forget that there's a killer werewolf on the loose, when, all of a sudden there is a fearful howling from outside.( Oh my good ness what could that possibly be?)
 
We all have to fly into panic, trays glasses and tables go flying as we run around like headless chickens and SHUT THE DOOR, to stop the wolf coming in. But what me and my mate who I was sitting with, couldn't help thinking was: it's all very well shutting the door to keep the wolf out, but what if he comes in THROUGH THE WINDOW?
 
It seemed to us that that was an angle that hadn't been properly covered. Every time we came to shoot the scene, and there were several takes,  and the howling would start up, we just couldn't take it seriously, we suffered a terrible attack of the giggles. ‘Quick quick, here comes the wolf, shut he door… yes, but what about the window? Supposing he comes in through the window! ’

You had to be there, but it was hilarious. Honest.
 
The other scene that was great fun was one of the funeral scenes, when I’m standing a few feet away from Mr Hopkins. ( A bit more name-dropping here: I also worked with Clint Eastwood and Johnny Depp last year  - it’s all top secret, but  more about that next time..
 
Sir Anthony is a lovely bloke, no ego at all, he even said hello to me, and I gave him a flyer for the comedy club. He loves to lark about on set. So just before he was about to say his lines in this very solemn funeral scene as the coffin is carried up the hill, and just after the order "Rolling" is given (meaning "stand by camera rolling") and barked out about 15 times by various underlings, he was cracking jokes and trying to make everyone corpse.
 
I'll have to try that on stage tonight…
 
Phil Zimmerman is resident comic every Friday Downstairs at the Drayton. Tonight: Nick Wilty, Inda Manocha and jaik Cambell. 9pm: Tickets £9.00. Info 07853 664 877.