As the well-known soothsayer Cliff Richard prophecied: "It's so funny how we don't talk anymore."
Worryingly it's becoming increasing true with my friends, not because I'm becoming a credit-crunch enforced recluse, but because evil social networking websites are taking over the world.
Not content with everyone organising every party, date and street-drinking session on Facebook, now the world and his wife is happily Twittering away, which I'll be honest, I don't really understand.
I quite liked the olden days when you could go out and nobody knew what you were doing until you got back and told them
Now you have absolutely no need to speak to your friends as each day they've received 20 email updates telling them your every whereabouts. Mundane updates such as exactly what time you ordered your second latte from the local rip-off coffee shop, bought while waiting for your friend, who turned up late as they missed the bus because they were on Twitter writing: "Dave is on his way to meet Bob" then "Dave is running a bit late" followed by "Dave hopes Bob isn't mad he's missed the bus" etc, etc, etc... please, do us all a favour, MAKE A PHONE CALL INSTEAD!
Facebook seems to get more irritating by the day, random strangers and people you hardly know adding you as friends and then trying to get you to join obscure groups like "Justice for <insert person in the press>." I await the day a judge at the Old Bailey lets someone off because 2,000 people joined a Facebook group demanding it.
I understand the irony of writing an online column about how rubbish the internet is, but don't you think it's turning a bit Big Brother-esque? That's the Orwellian version, not the Endemol one. It's getting to the stage that you can stalk anyone you choose without even leaving the house, owners of night-vision goggles must be quaking in their cagools.
Initially I thought social networking may be a good way of making contacts and that may be true, but only if you don't mind high-fiving them or throwing a virtual sheep at them first. If that's how you make contacts, I think I'll just leave it thanks.