I say well done to the fruit and veg woman who was arrested for dealing not in drugs, but in pounds and ounces.

When I take control of the country it will be compulsory to sell our boiled sweets, bananas and other stuff in this way, as will measuring in feet and inches and drinking pints of wine (no, that can't be right).

Basically ('basically' - now there's a word that will be banned) I would hang on to some of the quirkiness of our country, which includes using imperial measures.

Mr F and I enjoy dabbling in the huge variety of eating styles and places, from curry restaurants and pizza parlours to Thai restaurants and tapas bars.

But somewhere between the fast food outlets and haute cuisine,our greasy spoon caffs, cream tea emporiums, fish and chip shops and snack bars could be swallowed up (ha) if we don't protect them.

I am however glad we have dropped the stale,curly,sandwiches that used to be offered in pubs, as baguettes, ciabbattas, sun dried tomatoes, olives and continental opening hours have livened things up.

In my parallel universe there would be black coffee or white coffee ONLY. Lattes (which are only very milky coffees anyway), cappuccinos (add chocolate sprinkles) in fact anything with froth on, would be outlawed.

Sorry,I know they're popular,but I'm in charge.

Getting into my stride now: I would provide free care for elderly people and banish student fees (as in Scotland) and give everyone free prescriptions (as in Wales).

My new concept would be called EQUALITY - in this case for everyone in the UK.

Surplus money, formerly known as Big Bonuses and Golden Handshakes, would be channelled into charity,particularly medical research.

While I would not adopt the Euro, nor would I go back to '£sd' as I remember the pain of decimalisation day, and anyway 'new money' is much easier.

Finally, as a benevolent dictator,I would have our coins minted with the heads of national treasures such as Dame Judi Dench and Sir David Attenborough, or maybe even comics such as French and Saunders.

Though The Queen would remain in a dignified pose on one side,we would conversely be reminded of the fun bits of life too.

Literally the other side of the coin.