LAST month included Vegetarian Week (May 19-25) which, since I gave up meat nearly 20 years ago, has always had me running for cover.

Why? Because people get very heated on this subject, often giving veggie victims they have just met, a grilling (ha) as to why they choose not to consume burnt, dead flesh, or sighing at barbecues, "What are we going to give YOU to eat?"

Mr Fisher, like most carnivores, does not suffer this kind of roasting even though the current fad for eating half cooked bloody lumps or even, heaven forbid, road kill, is so abhorrent to many of us carrot crunchers.

Even my mum, bless her, would tell waiters, "She's diabetic you know" in the same reverent tone she adopted for "my daughter has got a bank card" when it came to paying the bill. I would quickly confess I actually was of the lentil-loving persuasion before someone popped a sugar cube in my mouth.

I deliberately describe myself as a non-meat eater rather than a vegetarian because (gasp) I eat fish! Of course this means I also get dissed by purists who will not eat anything with a face. (Though I've seen many a quizzical look on a vegetable. Haven't they heard of Mr Potato Head?)

In 1989 I stopped munching mammals because they are like us: they feed their young and bond with them, and I can't stomach those little snouts peering at me through the slats of lorries on their way to death row.

I gave up chicken because of the disgraceful business of battery hens, and I eat fish because I kid myself they've had a reasonable life before turning into an ocean pie. Reptiles and amphibians I never fancied eating anyway.

So, there it is. Please, if you see me at Christmas, don't demand to know why I am not eating turkey with my cranberry sauce, and if you spot me in Uxbridge with a tuna sandwich concealed on my person don't report me to the veggie police. I can't afford another fine.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Did you know the Malt Shovel in Iver Lane, Cowley, has 'outdoor reared sausages' on the menu? Presumably they are herded into pens by sausage dogs?

And in the Slug and Lettuce in Uxbridge they use farm assured poultry; very reassuring for the chickens I'm sure