One of the women police officers dealing with son Matt's various adventures phoned this week, leaving a message on my mobile.
At first I thought about ignoring the call, and not just because I knew what she was going to say. That, by the way, as predicted, would be along the lines of he wouldn't be charged with anything - trying to use a stolen credit card of mine and grabbing me round the neck - due to the problems of getting enough evidence before a court.
No, the real reason I hesitated is because our last call had not ended well when I became exasperated with the politically correct even-handedness she insisted on displaying.
When you are the victim and someone treats you like one of two possible suspects it is hard not to feel doubly abused.
This happened last time. She called me then after interviewing Matt while he was playing his little Bambi crossed with David Beckham game.
Another way to describe this will make sense to those who recall Princess Diana's habit of bowing her head and then vulnerably glancing up in the shyest manner when faced with difficult questions.
Now, let's add in another icon, one lost just this week, Paul Newman. Picture those intense blue eyes breaking into a smile and you have another part of Matt's toolkit for dealing with people who might not be instantly on his team.
Anyway, armed with a cup of tea, I dialled the woman officer's direct line.
She asked how I was and I explained that, as Matt appeared to have moved out, there was hope for a better future. Perhaps for both of us.
When I said he'd been round to collect his telly and belongings, she expressed surprise. He's also reappeared on another occasion to collect stuff, this time just marching in unexpectedly when I left the front door open for a neighbour.
Guess what? Although he'd told me at the time that his bail, including a ban from Madmum's Cottage, had ended, in fact it was still 'active' and he could have been arrested for going there. And he knew it. It didn't actually finish to the middle of this week, when police intended to have a firm little chat with him.
If nothing else it showed the officer that bail conditions mean zilch to people like Matt. As I've said before, the rules of society and things like injunctions can only ever apply to those who fear the consequences. Normal folk, like me and you.
As I told her: "If you arrested me, and I was stuck in a cell, the shame and distress would be unbearable. I think Matt just sees it as an annoyance because it's stopped him from playing football or getting on the Playstation for a few hours. Please remember this when he gives you that smile."
