Mariah Carey is about to give birth to twins, the Jolie/Pitt clan includes a set and my own children are one of three sets of twins in their school year.

Multiple births are definitely on the increase in the UK with one in every 24 babies born a twin, compared to one in 52, 20 years ago.

I have noticed a wider range of double buggies in the shops, and I hope that ante natal preparation is now better than my own experience, which was mainly “and you’ll do that bit twice”. But being the mother of multiples is more than just doubling (or tripling) up; it’s a completely different ball park. Leaving aside the fact that multiples are generally born early, and are more likely to have post birth complications, caring for two babies is a daunting task, especially for a first time mother. 

Breast feeding is a logistical nightmare, bottle feeds can take twice as long, sleep is in even shorter supply, the sound of two babies crying at the same time is excruciating, and you face a constant dilemma of which one to attend to first, how to share your love equally? No wonder in postnatal depression is almost twice as high for mothers of twins or triplets.

I feel strongly therefore that it is important to recognise the different experience of being a multiple mum, and especially not to compare it with the experience of singleton mums.  Winnicott said that “there is no such thing as a baby” (1952), meaning that a newborn’s experience of the world is inextricably linked to the care of their mother.

Good care gives them the space and support to grow, through which they gradually realise that they are a separate being. Winnicott talks about the intense one to one relationship of mother and baby during this time; it is my belief that for multiples this relationship is more complex as they learn they are not only separate from their mother, but also from each other. This is an intense multiple relationship and the comfort that twins or more can draw from each other, through sharing a cot for example, is really important.  Winnicott also said that a mother has to be “good enough”, not perfect, not faultless, not the best, just “good enough”, something else that it is helpful for all new mothers to remember!

If you are expecting, or are a mother of multiples, there are several national organisations such as the Multiple Birth Foundation (MBF) or Twins and Multiple Births Association (TAMBA) which offer support, education and details of local organisations to join. There are also support groups locally ( http://www.johannasartori.co.uk/People%20Patterns.html )